you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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