just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
