You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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