When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
COCAINE IS GR8
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
