thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
ttyl tear gas
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
