every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Randomize