come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
