Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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