I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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