shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
