She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
