We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He? As in you personified your dick?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
