he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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