I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i came on her dog
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
