And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize