Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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