I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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