If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
