Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
