I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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