I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
