Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
