thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We have started to decorate penises.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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