I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize