Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
