nut hugger
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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