his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
