Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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