new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
