either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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