Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize