I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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