Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize