i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
