Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
