Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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