I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
