she woke up with a sticky ear
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
