We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
