Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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