If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
