for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize