Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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