You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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