wat bout pragnant strippers??
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
