so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
