I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
