i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
