Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
