Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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