what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Sorry my hands just texted you
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Randomize
