so let's talk penis.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
