fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
