So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We left an ass print on the piano.
they're like a gay fantastic four
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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