You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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