..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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