Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
