hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
