Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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