1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It's blow job season.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
