At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
this must be what syphilis tastes like
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
