i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
