I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Randomize
