We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
