i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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