You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
