So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
