he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
