Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
