ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
