i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize