Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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