I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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